Like Father, Like Son
by myshipsaresunk
Summary: *INFINITY WAR SPOILERS* One-Shot. Tony was secretly happy of how brave Peter was for staying on the ship. He was secretly proud to dub him an official Avenger. He was secretly impressed by how fearlessly the kid attacked Thanos. And he was not so secretly destroyed when he held Peter in his arms for the last time.


**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, Marvel, and all the men and women that created _Avengers: Infinity War_. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made.

 **Rating:** T for major character death, and minor language

 **Author's Note:** Infinity War totally broke my heart, even though I know somehow most everyone will make it out alive. So here's a one-shot drabble about Tony Stark and how he feels about Peter's death. (If you didn't cry when Peter hugged Tony for the last time then you have no heart). Maybe grab some tissues :)

 **Like Father, Like Son**

When Thanos drives his blade clean through his abdomen, Tony Stark's only thoughts are of Pepper. He thinks of her panicked face when he stepped through the portal with Bruce and Stephen. He thinks of her distressed phone call. "Please don't tell me you're on that ship," she had begged. He thinks of the large diamond on her fourth finger, the ring he had placed as a sign of his love and commitment. A sign of his dedication for her.

 _That's why I have to be on the ship,_ he wishes he could tell her. _I have to be on it for you. I have to take this blade for you. I have to die for you. I have to_ save _you. Don't ask me to leave your future to fate._

He thinks of their wedding. Rhodey, his best man, in his army uniform, his legs outlined by the glowing braces, a wide smile on his face. His other groomsmen lined up behind the veteran - Hap, Banner, even Steve Rogers. They all give him words of advice and encouragement and congratulations before the ceremony.

He thinks of Pepper walking down the aisle. She's wearing a gorgeous strapless white dress with sparkling clear rhinestones on the bodice. Her feet are bare, treading lightly on the rose petals lining the floor. Her strawberry blonde hair is pinned back and curled into loose ringlets. Her bright blue eyes are fixed upon him just as his are on her.

He thinks of their future, of his dream of having children. Ed, if it's a boy, after Edmund Jarvis. Margaret Maria, if it's a girl, after Aunt Peggy and his mother.

But when he thinks of having children, he can only picture a boy. And when he tries to image what he'll look like, only one face materializes in his mind.

It isn't until Peter Parker crumbles to dust in his arms that he realizes he's had his dream child right in front of him the entire time.

Tony has faced a lot of hardships before. His parents' death. His captivity in Afghanistan, and his friend there dying. Losing Pepper. Almost losing Pepper. His guilt about Sokovia and Ultron. Losing JARVIS. His anxiety. Learning that the Winter Soldier murdered his parents. Steve Rogers betraying him by not admitting the truth.

None of that compares to how he feels now, sitting next to the dust of the person who meant most to him in the world.

Tony Stark loves Pepper. He would die for her. But Peter? Peter is Tony Stark. A younger, more spirited and well-behaved version, but still the same. Peter has even more potential than Tony Stark had. Peter has twice the bravery, a million times the selflessness. He has the heart of Captain America with the bravery of Rhodes and the intelligence of both Stark and Banner combined.

Tony doesn't want to protect Peter; he _has to_. It's an instinct deep inside him that he can't ignore. That's why he's so hard on the boy at times; he doesn't want Peter to make the same mistakes he's made. Peter can be so much more than Tony Stark ever was.

But there's nothing Tony can do except hold him and tell him that everything is going to be alright. The way Peter fits into his arms feels natural, as if he's always fit there. Tony Stark holds onto him as tightly as he can, as if he's strong enough keep the boy from literally dissolving into the atoms his body is composed of.

Tony keeps the tears in check for Peter's sake. He assures his it's going to be okay. He keeps his motormouth running - anything to help ease the pain of what they all know is coming.

"I don't want to die," Peter says. Tony Stark's heart breaks. If he still had the arc reactor buried in his chest, it would have flickered off.

The guilt Tony felt at creating Ultron is nothing compared to the guilt he feels now. The grief he feels now is nothing compared to the grief he felt at seeing his mother murdered. The emptiness he feels now is nothing compared to the emptiness he felt when Pepper broke up with him a few years ago.

He sits down, Peter's scared expression burned into his mind. "I don't want to die." Tony puts his head in his hands, the tears flowing hot and freely now.

He had failed. Peter is gone. The closest thing he had to a son is just gone.

The worst part is that there was nothing Tony could do to stop it. They were doomed from the beginning. Only one way to win out of millions. No miracle this time. The guilt Tony feels isn't warranted; he could never stop Thanos alone, and as long as Thanos succeeded, Peter was doomed.

Tony's hands are shaking. His arms are shaking. His whole body is shaking. He's given his all, and yet he still has so much to give. He would give anything to bring the kid back.

Tony had designed the Iron Spidey suit to protect Peter even better. The damn kid had used it to stay aboard the alien spaceship. Tony let him stay because he was secretly proud of how brave Peter was. It would have been so easy for him to fall back to earth and run to his aunt instead of heading out to battle a mad Titan. Tony knighted him an Avenger because the kid deserved it more than even Tony did.

"I can't be a friendly neighborhood spiderman if there is not neighborhood," he had said. Although Tony had made fun of the logic, all he can think of now is how there can't be a friendly neighborhood without a spiderman.

Tony vaguely wonders what the point of anything else is. If Peter's gone, then what's the point of standing up? What's the point of trying to find a way back to earth? Peter, the face of the future, is gone; and with him so is the future.

Why would Pepper be alive? Or Hap? If Peter's gone, then by all rights they probably should be, too. Thanos said the selection was totally random, but he was lying. The stones took the best of those remaining. The selfless, the brave, and kind, the strong, the witty, the smart, the littlest ones with the biggest hearts - the best of humanity are gone.

There is no point. Tony can go back to earth, but he'll only find death and destruction there. There's nothing he can do to reverse what Thanos has done. He's made a lot of mistakes in his life, and he's always managed to escape mostly unscathed; now karma is catching up to him. He lost what he didn't fully realize he had. He lost the worst thing he had left to lose.

"It's my fault," he whispers. "You didn't deserve this, Peter."

He can still feel the boy's arms clutching his desperately, pure terror on his face. In his last moments, Peter came running to him. Peter trusted Tony. He idolized him. And he died next to him.

Tony has a million things he wishes he could saw to Peter. He has speeches about life and love and choices. He has stories, both fun and serious. He had plans for the boy. Birthday celebrations, actual internships, new Spidey suits, high school graduation, college moving in day, college graduation, eventually taking over Stark Industries - Peter would get everything Tony has. Because when Tony dreams of having a kid, he dreams of Peter.

How ironic it is that at night Tony dreams and during the day he lives a nightmare.

He balls a fist. He didn't even have time to say goodbye, damnit! And what is he going to tell Aunt May? How can he explain to her what happened, what has been happening? Is he just supposed to walk up to her apartment, ring the doorbell, and say, "Your son is the best person I know but he didn't even get to die in a proper, sacrificial, honorable way. He simply dissolved into dust by random selection. I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry you didn't even get to be with him when he died because I let him tag along on a field trip to a different planet." ?

Tony doesn't even have the fire that Peter Quill had upon hearing the woman he loved was murdered. Tony just feels the vast emptiness of the bottomless chasm in his heart and the pain of a thousand knives tearing into his flesh all at once.

FRIDAY, speaking through the tattered remains of his suit, buzzes. "Pepper Potts has been trying to contact you. Would you like me to route a map where you might be able to get signal?"

Tony ignores the AI. He can't even start to think about Pepper right now. Even if she still is alive, she wouldn't understand the immense pain he's in. She didn't know how much the kid meant to him. She didn't know how he loved Peter. Now one knew, not even himself. Not until this moment. Not until it's too late.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Stark," the boy had said. In the end, after all the sacrifices he had made, Peter had apologized. Tony relates to that too much. Even though he rarely ever verbalizes it, he has always felt responsible for things that are out of his hands. Like Peter Parker's death. Tony tried his hardest, and according to Dr. Strange, this is the only outcome in which they win. Doesn't make Tony feel any less responsible.

And, honestly, how is this a win? Is it really a win when you lose most of your troops? When you lose the people you love the most? When only a few hardened survivors with little humanity left in them are the only ones alive at the end of the day?

Tony isn't sure he wants to win anymore. In fact, he doesn't see a way how to win anymore. They had tried their best. Thanos has simply snapped his fingers. It's too late to win. All they can do is try to recover.

Not him.

All _he_ can do is sit on the ruins of Titan, mourning the loss of his son.


End file.
